An Offsite Goes Awry

I’m standing in a gorgeous conference room with vaulted ceilings and brick walls; the smell of possibility in the air. Huddled off to the side with the CEO; he’s pushing back on the next agenda item for his team’s off-site while I listen patiently.

“Do we really need to talk about what people don’t feel safe enough to share?” he challenges.

 “I guess that depends. Do you want to get to the root of the communication breakdown?” I ask.

“Well, of course I want my team to be effective at communication, but I just don’t think that we need to get into the emotional side of things. It just makes everyone uncomfortable.” 

As you can probably imagine, this corporate offsite did not go the way that I was hoping it would work. We had spent the day discussing product-market fit, the 2025 road map, customer pain points, and engineering backlogs. Finally, we were ready to venture deeper, but the executive team was resistant.

Why was it that employees felt the need to silence their legitimate concerns? 

Why were team leads pulling me aside, remarking, “We’re not aligned and we don’t understand the decisions that the executive team is making.” 

It was clear that the CEO’s desire to smooth things over and avoid difficult emotions—in the name of what they thought was workplace psychological safety—was the root of the problem. I thought to myself  Fascinating – here is an executive team that is so concerned about not rocking the boat, employees don’t feel able to voice their concerns about holes in the ship!

Is your company taking psychological safety too far?

Psychological safety does not mean protection from discomfort. It refers to an environment where individuals feel safe to express their thoughts, opinions, and concerns without fear of retribution, embarrassment, or punishment. 

It is a critical component of effective teams and organizations as it encourages open communication, risk-taking, and innovation. When psychological safety is present, team members are more likely to share ideas, admit mistakes, and ask for help. Leading to better problem-solving and collaboration. They don’t shy away from discomfort!

I would argue that when leaders are overly focused on making everyone feel comfortable at all times this takes us into the dangerous world of toxic positivity. 

“Only good vibes” or toxic positivity? 

Toxic positivity is essentially the insistence of maintaining a positive outlook or optimistic state across all situations. However, this mindset rejects or dismisses real feelings such as sadness, anger, frustration, or fear. While promoting positivity can be beneficial, toxic positivity can be harmful as it invalidates real emotions and experiences, leading to several negative outcomes. 

Most notably it can lead to self-censorship and emotional suppression which creates a greater sense of isolation. This can increase stress and anxiety in the workplace. Employees may even experience shame for having negative emotions in the first place.

On the team performance level, some of these negative outcomes include:

• Lack of difficult conversations or productive struggle.
• Settling for groupthink rather than innovation.
• Individuals not being challenged to grow professionally.

What Do I Do About It?!

Perhaps you lead a team and you’re thinking, “Oh no, do I do this? Do my people feel like they can approach me with real problems?”. Or perhaps you are a member of a team where you feel the need to constantly smile with an upbeat, can-do attitude. 

Here are some tips on how to create the culture you desire:

• Encourage Open Dialogue: Foster a culture where everyone is encouraged to speak up and share their thoughts and concerns. Even if those are unpopular. Assign someone to bring challenging viewpoints to a specific meeting.
• Model Integrity & Vulnerability: Leaders and team members can model vulnerability by admitting mistakes and showing an openness to receiving feedback.
• Conduct Post-Mortems: Learn from your failures! Aim the conversation at how we can do this better next time rather than placing blame. Focus on improving processes rather than on the people involved.
• Human Kind, Be Both: Respect your coworkers with the dignity that they deserve for being human. Speak kindly to them, especially when giving feedback, and about them when they aren’t in the room.

Creating a balance between psychological safety and a robust space for honest, sometimes uncomfortable conversations is crucial for fostering a healthy and effective workplace. However, avoiding difficult emotions in the name of positivity can lead to toxic positivity, which ultimately stifles innovation and authentic communication. Therefore, by encouraging open dialogue, modeling vulnerability, and respecting each other’s humanity, you can create a more resilient and connected team. As a bonus, you’ll achieve better business results as well!