Crystal Holmes on The Creative Process, Mutual Support, and Collaborative Decision Making in Relationships

John: You’re listening to The Present Professional. Where we explore the intersections of personal and professional development. To change your experience of life and work with every episode. So tune in, grab your notebook, and let’s go. Let’s go. Welcome to another episode of The Present Professional. Today, we have a very, very special guest with us. Tony has agreed to share his wonderful wife with you guys, Crystal Holmes. So welcome, Crystal. And I just want to take a moment to acknowledge Crystal for being there from the very beginning. So when it came to the millennial community and Tony’s nonprofit that he had started when I met him, Crystal was the creative mind behind the whole operation and a lot of other operations moving forward that both of us have undertaken. And just before we dive into the topic of collaborative decision making and relationships, one, I want to say there’s no better couple to to interview for this topic, and I’m excited for you guys to not only get introduced to her, but introduced to their dynamic as a couple as well. So before I continue to ramble, I’ll let you introduce yourself to the audience as well. Crystal.

Crystal: All right, well, thank you so much, John, for that introduction. And as you were saying that, I was thinking back to, man, wow, you know, a little community that’s going on now seven years ago, because that was, or six years, but still. Like, you know, that we’ve known each other and, you know, been connected since and just excited to be here. I’m honored to be here with you guys. So thank you for having me a part of the podcast today. And I will also say for myself, of course, I am a media professional native of Houston, Texas. So I’ve I’ve done a lot of different projects, different things. I have my own clients that I work with when it comes to media related projects. So the same thing with graphic design and videos and content creation, things like that, of that nature. That is really my specialty. And so between organizations that I’m involved with and with our business too as well, I kind of do the hands-on work behind the scenes with everything that, like you said, puts it all together, the creative side of it. And so that pretty much is what I do. So I’m very much involved in different various things. So it just depends on what’s needed. And I’m that person. So happy to be here. Thank you again.

John: Well, in that regard. So as you take on new creative projects, you know, it’s been my experience with you and that it’s like when we give you just a concept and your mind just runs with all these different design ideas. So like when Tony and I come up with just a concept, you know, How does that start in your mind? I’m just curious how your creative process works.

Crystal: Yeah. That’s good. I don’t know. I really honestly feel like it’s a gift that has really just taken on that. I’ve been doing media since high school, so it’s going on like 20 plus years of experience. And whenever I have a feeling about something or just if people even tell me their ideas of what they see for their project or what vision they’re trying to go through, I’m like, oh, okay. It literally just comes. And to describe that feeling, it’s like, my mind just goes. And then when I’m explaining it, of course, you know, people are like, okay, but can you, like, you know, I can’t really understand. So I’m like, okay, well, let me just give you, like, three little samples. And, you know, from there, it’s like, oh. And then with Tony, it’s funny, because it’s like, I’m always, and he could probably agree, but I’m always talking about different ideas and things. I’m like, oh, and then this, and then that. And then he’s like, Okay, you know I don’t understand you.” So I had to scale it back and make sure that I show him. So that’s been the thing that we’ve learned working together too as well. As long as he could see it. So before I even say anything, now I’m like, I have it already made. And now I’m like, okay, look at this. What do you think? And then he’s like, Oh my God, like, you know, okay. Or, you know, what about if we did this now that he has, you know, an idea concept or sees where my mind is, then he’s like, well, can you do this? Could you look, could it look like this? And I’m like, oh yeah, that could work too, you know? And then that’s kind of, you know, how that goes when it comes to the creative mind, I guess you would say.

John: Yeah, I’ll say, I’ll say when I came to Logan’s first birthday and I saw that you made all that. This is a whole new level.

Crystal: Yeah, I was very, I like themes. So whenever there’s a theme, then I’m like, okay, you know, I’ll look things up, you know, on like the internet, you know, Pinterest, of course, there’s Etsy, all that stuff. And then I’m like, but what if it was like this? Like I literally for just a little sidebar, like for his birthday outfit, I was like, I want the baby Spider-Man, but I was like, I don’t see it. I can’t find it. You can’t buy it. They don’t make it for his age at the time. I was like, I’ll just make it. So I went and found a design, created it, made it all cricket, and I’m like, there we go. Problem solved.

John: I feel like when you’re making things like that, you’re just in flow. Tony, does she even lift her head or anything?

Tony: Man, no. I’m glad you brought up flow. It is a flow state with creativeness and she definitely gets in that flow bag. Just even yesterday, we’re working on a magazine for our alumni group that we’re in for our college where we met. We’re just designing mock-ups and she’s like, okay look at this and then she’s showing it to me and then she’s like wait it’s almost done and she takes another five minutes to edit one thing that has to be like super perfect then she’s like okay come back and look at it now wait i gotta do one more thing and it’s like two more minutes and then like but but the creative process i i respect it because i know that For her, that minor detail, it means the world. And so I have to learn to just respect that and sit back and just wait until she says it’s done. And for her to come up with the way she comes up with these designs, it’s absolutely flow state. And even if it’s not flow state, she’ll work on something for hours and hours. I’ve seen her, Logan’s party, I’ve seen her stay up, Actually, all night without getting any sleep.

Crystal: I wasn’t getting any sleep. Definitely did not.

Tony: To finish a creative project. Yeah, man, it’s natural in here.

John: Now, that’s flow state. Now, it may have been last episode or I can’t remember when we were discussing it, but it came up when Crystal was interviewing you, I think, back in school, when you guys met? Let’s let’s tell the audience a little bit about how you guys how you guys met and then And then how you got him then how you got him to sit sit down and act professional in that interview.

Crystal: I Right, right. So that’s so funny. Well, so my major, I was a radio television production major at Stephen F. Austin State University. And one of my class projects, we had to produce a show. And that was our grade. So this is a major project, kind of like your final grade to pass you in the class. that you have to do is like taking everything that we learned about producing and script writing and everything and putting it all in one. And so we had to do a story, you know, cover a story on campus that we wanted of our choice. And so At that time, Tony, we had just recently met actually too, because he was telling me about how he was going to be starting a Student United Way on campus. And I was like, oh my gosh, like I would love to be a part of that. Like, how can I get involved? And that kind of, you know, from there I’ve like been involved since. And so, you know, service and volunteering, that’s kind of like our foundation. But when it came to the project, I was like, oh, well, I have this assignment I have to do. I would like to do it on the United Way. And so it’s like, okay, cool. But since he’s the president of the organization, I was like, I need to interview you. You have to be mine. guests for this, you know, for my show. And so I was like, I have questions and everything, you know, already read, you know, ready for what’s going to be just kind of giving them a rundown of like what to expect. And I’m now in like, you know, tunnel vision, like game, game mode, like, okay, this is this is on like, because it’s now production day. And so When he gets in there, he was just chilling, relaxed, just not really playing around. I’m like, okay, can you focus because this is like we’re about to start and this is about to go on because we’re literally, it’s a studio, how you would sit down on a talk show with chairs and the lights and everything. I’m in a room in the back behind calling the shots for the production. I’m like, okay, I need you to focus,” and I’m talking to my host, and like, okay, just telling them, like, and y’all get ready, like, let them know we’re about to start. But yeah, I kind of had a, not snap, but I just was like… Hey, like, this is serious, this is not great.

Tony: I mean, it’s my first time doing anything like that. So she, we went from just casually like, yeah, it’s a great idea to like, lights are on, bright lights, a little audience, a host. I’m like, what is all this? You know, this seems fun. And then I couldn’t see Crystal because she was like way in the back. And did you come out to tell me to get serious or did you just say it in like the…

Crystal: I said it in the mic. At this point, my professor is also in the room too. I can’t leave. This is my go time. We’re about to do countdown and everything. I couldn’t just leave. I had to tell my host to go ahead and let him know we’re about to get started.

Tony: What would you make? What was your grade?

Crystal: Oh, I got an A. I was actually, my professor told me I did really good, like after everything. So I was very pleased. It came out really, really good. So I was like, oh, thank God it’s over. But you know, it’s like, well, it’s your grade. It’s like the pressure’s on. It’s like, ooh.

Tony: And Crystal is a straight A student, graduated in three years. So the pressure is always on.

Crystal: Yeah, very much. That was our first, I guess, what would you call it?

John: Media project.

Crystal: Media project that we had to do together was part of my grade in college. Yeah.

John: Wow. You guys really started off the relationship with a major project together. And not only on your side with media, but I’m sure that you were there for him every step of the way with the president of that student organization as well.

Crystal: Oh, yes, yes.

Tony: Oh, yeah. That’s a story, too, because when we first started dating, we met in college, but we were both from Houston. So we went on a date at the Cheesecake Factory in the Galleria. And I think that was in like, it had to have been like May. I think it was when school let out. And so we were there and I was telling her, I was like, hey, I’m getting ready to go to Washington DC to the United Way headquarters, and I’ll be in Virginia for that, that I’ll be out there for starting a student United Way organization. And she was like, her eyes got like so big and she was like, can I help? And I’m like, yeah. And she was excited to help because that was like her thing too, as she said earlier, like service. So for me starting that, for her, it’s like, you’re starting an organization from scratch? Like, I want to be involved. And so that’s another piece of our relationship is starting things from scratch and her like being right there. She was literally vice president, I think. as we grew it, and it was a success. I mean, we grew it to, what, 20, 30 members? It was all diverse, and it was organized, and she had a huge part in that, too.

Crystal: Yeah. Yeah, it was great. Definitely.

Tony: Wow.

Crystal: Definitely enjoyed it, yeah, because that was definitely a time where it’s like, I was involved in other service organizations, so for this to be new, I was like, And then for him, when he said it, I was like, well, you volunteer? You like to do that? You do that in your own time? That was very different for me. I’m like, okay, something’s different about him. I like this. I like him. Yeah.

John: I was like, how attractive was that?

Crystal: Right.

John: Hilarious. That’s great. Now, you guys starting the foundation of your relationship on service, on supporting each other through these major projects, and around this topic of collaborative decision-making, collaboration in general. I found that some couples like to compartmentalize their life. I think it’s like, I do this over here, I do that over here, and then we share this space together or we’ll share home together in a family. Yet, I feel like there’s something special about you guys and a dynamic that Is it is added because of what you can create together, like even outside of just, you know, the family you’re creating as well. So like, what do you have to say about one way versus the other? Like, say a couple that’s in more compartmentalizing their relationship versus, you know, working on things in life together like you guys have from the start.

Tony: Wow. That’s a powerful question. It’s probably going to be a complicated answer because it’s like we both have our viewpoints on it. But I think that I would say being able to merge your life together is I think it makes for a more healthy relationship because you’re always communicating, because you’re communicating about daily things, life and work and business, but then you also communicate from a relationship side too, as just a couple. Because you’re going to do that part either way, but it adds value when you can communicate on work or on projects or on business or on nonprofit or volunteerism, whatever it may be. I think it makes your communication easier when you transition back to the relationship side because you already are talking. You already kind of know how each other kind of operates when you see your partner or spouse operate from like more of an organized professional side and then kind of going back to relationship. I think the relationship communication is always harder, period, because that’s just natural, like two people talking about who’s going to wash the dishes. That’s always going to be tough or harder. But from the relationship side for us, I mean, the business side communication is fun because they’re talking about projects like the magazine, for example. Oh, you can design it and then Tony, you can figure out how we get it distributed. Okay. Then we run off and do our parts and come back. That’s just how we’ve done things over time. I think that for couples that compartmentalize, if that works for you, that’s great. If you are able to find ways to merge, that’s even more powerful. There’s a couple that Crystal Watches on YouTube that they do workouts. They’re like a workout couple. I see them and I’m like, man, that’s probably their version of doing what we do is they work out together and they’re organized. She does it for the women and he works out for the men, but they do it together on one video. And any way that a couple can find an opportunity to collaborate on projects, no matter what it is, it just will make your foundation of your relationship a lot stronger, in my opinion.

Crystal: Yeah, I agree. I agree with that. And I will even share, just to be transparent, in the beginning, too, I would think, and you tell me, too, as well. But we had to learn, though, to get to that, because beforehand, we were compartmentalized. I know for myself with my business, I would be doing my business, my projects, and then he would be working. And then there was like that we were just kind of coming in, coming out. And it’s like, all right, I got a gig I’m going to, you know, I’m going to be at this event I’m covering. And that was kind of like our conversation. And then, but that was, you know, I would be doing my editing in one room trying to, you know, finish up a project. And then you know, he might be doing something else. And so like you were mentioning about the compartment, I’m getting that word all twisted up, but separating those things, it did, it did, it was, it was a difference. And then we had to come back together and Tony had to actually come to me and have a very honest conversation. It was like a really tough conversation that we had to, that needed to be had, you know, for our, for our relationship, our marriage. just like what we’re trying to do and how we’re trying to progress and like things we’re trying to reach and attain our goals and It was it was hard, but I was like, okay. Okay. Like well, I will shift let’s let’s figure out what we can do and we did and now we have business meetings weekly if not twice a week and I literally with a whiteboard and all that like I know it’s But I mean, it works for us. And so, and ever since it’s like things have just really shifted and I would say like progressed us even faster to our goals once we did that.

Tony: Yeah, and just to add, the main goal or the main point of when we had that conversation, which was four years ago now, it was because we wanted to start a family. And so we were like, we can’t start a family like this. We weren’t moving in the flow. Like you said earlier, we were kind of like, two ships in the night or a river trying to pull in opposite directions. That was fine for where we were, but we knew to grow and even to get to where we are currently today, we had to shift and change. And like you said, I think we rapidly progressed since then.

Crystal: Right. Because then we had our son.

Tony: Yeah, now we have our little guy. Man. Wow, he’s a whole episode. He’s a whole podcast actually.

John: Yeah, it sounds like things really progressed and that, you know, when you were able to, you know, align on not just projects and goals, but it feels like from the beginning, one core thing was that you were aligned on values as well. And that being the foundation helped you align on how to put those values in action. And that’s what you’re doing now.

Tony: Yeah. And always keeping it as a team. Being able to work on projects together, it reminds you of being a team. And we definitely are a team. And the biggest thing is supporting each other, And in any way you can, like you want to see your teammate win. And so when you know what your teammate is doing in terms of their work life or business life and you’re able to support them, then you’re able to know how to support your teammate when they need it the most, which a lot of times is in work, especially if you have any. entrepreneurial endeavors going on. If one person can’t really understand or speak to that or support that, it makes it so much harder on the entrepreneur. And so like there’s been times where Crystal has been like the lead entrepreneur. There’s been times when I’ve been the lead entrepreneur. I think now we’re kind of like both like. probably equally leading and being entrepreneurial. But we learned how to support each other in that too, because being an entrepreneur, you’re seeking or going after a goal, a dream rather. And so being able to support your entrepreneurial partner or spouse, you’re able to really support their dream. And when you can support someone’s dream and they’re living their dream life in whatever way, they’re just a happier person because we all want to dream and live in our fantasies, right? And so when you have a person that can support you in that, it just makes for a happier household, I think.

Crystal: Yeah, you said everything right there. I was like, yeah, that’s really what it is. It’s the support, number one, because Gosh, just reflecting and just thinking like if he was like, okay, you know, I need you to do this. I need you to like just being that whole combative like that was never a thing. He’s always been supportive whenever it came down to what I wanted to do and just hearing me out and then just making sure like, you know, there’s a plan, there’s, you know, a goal in mind and just working towards that. And so that’s where he helps me because it’s like, you know, I’m the creative creative and so you know, business savviness and minded and things. He’s more stronger in that area. It’s like I have some sense of it, but he can really help balance that out and making sure that, you know, I’m following accordingly to what I’m trying to do. It’s like we’re not just doing this just to do it, you know, and that support, you know, how do

John: Is it more of a weekly check-in or is it in the moment? How do you know when someone’s feeling a certain way and what you can do to support one another?

Crystal: Oh, it’s daily, I feel like, because… I’m sorry, I just kind of… Because I know in the mornings, for me, I like to… take time to do my devotion, and he knows that. And so he’ll handle Logan, and then I kind of backdoor, and then I’ll finish up so he can get off. And then we’ll take turns in that sense, and then we’ll call each other while he’s on the way to work or something, and then just be like, OK, what are your goals or your plans for today? Kind of like talking. a long since pretty much of where we are. And he’s always on me. You always start and stop. He’s like, okay, focus on one thing and finish that, then move to the next. And so keeping that in mind, I always have to catch myself. And it’s very helpful when he just kind of recognizes things or he’ll see me coming in and like like even yesterday I came in from workout and I went straight to like okay Logan was eating and and then I was just trying to go and he’s like well wait wait wait he’s like what can I do you know how can I help you and that since like just asking and just seeing me kind of moving or if he sees my mood is shifting and I think that too I think our body language and just how I guess if you’re coming in and you’re tired and it’s like you know I’ll go ahead I’ll handle Logan and, you know, we’ll just move forward because I could tell that he’s drained. And it’s like, even though, like people always say, like, you know, you switch or whatever, you just have to read your spouse, read your partner and just understand, you know, where they’re at and then recognize that and, you know, take over if you need to and be supportive in that way. I feel like that’s important.

Tony: Wow. Oh, I need to say something. Yeah, I mean, you know, I say that that’s true. As far as like how often we check in, I think like Crystal said, it is definitely daily. And even like last night, for example, our son, he did not want to go to sleep. And so he was in his room like wailing, like really just like throwing a fit. And so dad went to rescue him. And so Crystal’s like, before you go in there, if you go get him, it’s all you. I’m like, I’m not helping.

Crystal: Cause I put him down. That was the thing. I put him down and I was done. I was like, he gonna figure it out.

Tony: And so I went and got him. And then it was me and him wrestling for like two hours. Not physically wrestling, but he was, he was just fighting sleep. But like, you know, honoring that, like she’s told, she laid the rule down, like, listen, I’m done. And then here I am, you know? And so, Yeah, just knowing where your partner is, and not just with kids, but with anything, knowing where they are. Like she said, if I’m tired, she steps up. And if she’s frazzled, I come in and try to ice down the fire. It’s going to be all right.

Crystal: Yeah.

John: and subtle things there so it sounds like that listening and not just you know listening for what your partner says but how they’re feeling and you know how they’re carrying themselves like the little things and not just noticing that and you know trying to offer just supportive language but supportive action. What do you need me to do? What can I do? How can I help you? And stepping into that. That’s beautiful, you guys. And for listeners out there hoping this resonates with you and you can start to take stock of how your partner’s moving around the room right now. And now moving a little bit more into the decision making process. I know you guys probably have a lot of decisions that you’ve made and they’re going to make around Logan as well. Maybe that’s an easy place to start before we hop into business decisions. When you guys are coming to a compromise and making a decision for how you want to parent, what does that look like? What does that process look like?

Crystal: Well, I would say we now have like a routine kind of schedule. Like we kind of came together and was like, okay, how are we going to make this work for me? I want to make sure that he’s not just always watching TV. And I was like, let’s do educational things. I’m big on that. And so we have flashcards. We just got, he likes to color now. So he likes to take pens and Write on things and so I’m like, okay, we’re gonna get some markers that are just for this certain paper. They make that so I was like we got the coloring book so he can do his arts and crafts and then Then we have like he has interactive learning There is this like one teacher on YouTube that does really great and that’s like, you know, he learned his sign language from it so I’m just like very impressed and he’s really repeating and learning. So I’m just trying to, me parenting wise, is focusing on like making sure he’s, because he’s not in daycare right now, so it’s making sure that he gets that peace. But for us, I feel like it’s just kind of, we discuss it, like if if there is a change in the routine, and let’s say if you want to go work out, and I want to work out, and it’s like, okay, well, one of us needs to go, and so he may go earlier, or I may just have to do it there at the house, and Logie’s there too, and that’s the alternative, because I’m like, I need to still do it either way. I’m not going to make it, use an excuse like to miss it because, of, you know, whatever situation may come, I’m like, well, I could still do it. It’s just, he’ll be right there eating while I’m working out.

Tony: Or I just may not go.

Crystal: Yeah, or, oh yeah, that’s right too. Yeah, you won’t go. So those are some ways.

Tony: I guess, what else would you… Well, I mean, for my side, it’s more of like I’m more of like the environmentalist. So, like, I’m trying to set up the environment, trying to make sure I support the environment that Crystal wants to create for Logan. And then, like, Logan and I are very similar. So we… We kind of both like, we like to have our things like a certain way and in a certain place and like stuff like that. So I try to support him in that because I understand him in that way. Even though he can’t like, he’s not like saying a whole lot of words yet. He’s very clear on what he wants and when he wants it. So I’m always trying to support his body language or his non-speaking language that he puts out. And then also supporting Crystal in the things that she may want to see and do for him, like the birthday party, for example, once again. I went into that and I was like, Crystal, you know, you don’t have to do a lot. It’s his first birthday. And she was like, oh, no, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not. And it was totally a lie. And so, you know, making sure I was there to support her in that, like, you know, cheering her on, like, while she’s building all these amazing things, going to Home Depot, I’m doing the cutting, like, I’m sawing stuff. you know, giving her water while she’s going hard, you know, you know, making sure the garage is clean, like whatever I could do to support her in that, you know, for Logan, you know, that’s, that’s my job.

Crystal: So yeah.

Tony: And I don’t argue, I don’t really combat that. I just let it be and I’m just there to support it.

Crystal: Right.

John: So it sounds like you have, you know, your own personal priorities as well. And it’s supporting that, you know, in in regards to parenting, as well as taking care of yourself when it comes to working out or other things that you’d like to do personally. It’s how can I support you in your personal venture? But then, you know, how can I support you in the way that you feel supports our son the most as well?

Tony: Mm hmm. Yeah, because right now our priority is health. And the more we’re able to work out and eat right and do everything, we feel like our best selves. Despite other sacrifices we may make, we may not be as social as we used to be with friends, going to happy hours and stuff like that. But we’re physically feeling good when we go to those places and those things, we feel right. That’s our priority, I think.

John: I love how I asked that question about tough decisions and how you want to raise Logan and how that’s working. You guys just went into small logistical things of taking care of and supporting each other. It would come back to that foundation of values. It feels like with those aligned, that how you want to raise him was kind of like that was the decision. It’s like you guys, you know, are very aligned on your foundation of values. And that just went into now logistically, how do we want to raise Logan in that system?

Tony: Yeah, it’s been trial and error. I mean, it definitely hasn’t been perfect, but I think sometimes we have to hit a wall or crash a little bit in order to know what we want to do. We’ve had, when he was born, I mean, we were both sleep-deprived, so it was like survival by any means necessary and heavily leaning on family. heavily leaning on products that they make to help kids go to sleep, like the SNOO. The SNOO is a great product by the way. No, no, no ad. I have no coupon code for you, but definitely check that out. But just like anything and then like really us creating an environment where we have like a heavily, a heavy work from home lifestyle that has definitely helped us with where we are now because with COVID, not COVID as far as the disease or the illness piece of it, but just the fear of the social aspect, people going back into crowded rooms, all that kind of stuff played a factor in him being born in the pandemic. Like how we decided to put him in the daycare and how we haven’t put him in yet, but we will. Like not having to have that pressure of daycare because of the work from home virtual kind of lifestyle we live and were able to set up prior to him being born has been like a huge blessing. And we didn’t know it would be, we hoped it would be, but we didn’t know like how big of a blessing it would be as it is today. Wow.

John: Now, one last thing when it comes to decision making and supporting each other, moving on to the business side. And when you guys are setting up goals for each other, for the partnership, for yourselves, what does that process look like when you’re saying, Here’s what we want to focus on. I know you speak in quarters, Tony. Here’s what we want to focus on for this quarter, this quarter, and this quarter, and wants to add up to this whole thing in a year. When you’re making those decisions collaboratively as a partnership, as a couple, as business owners, what does that process look like?

Tony: Yeah, I can definitely speak to this. It makes me think about Richard Barrett, because it starts with what makes you happy? What is going to make you happy? What exactly in life do you want to achieve? We can always talk about the big things, but in real life, what is your goal right now? Sometimes it may be, well, I want to travel with my friends, or I may want to travel for a fraternity or sorority thing, or whatever it may be. Okay, so how does that translate to business? How does that translate to budget? How does that translate to time? Taking the things that we want to accomplish in our actual lives and figuring out how to get that done, then we’re able to translate that to how we make business decisions because You mean you run businesses to make revenue and make income and then use the income to live your life so if there’s a certain thing that one of us wants to accomplish we kind of set parameters around and support each other and then build around that like even if it’s. material things like buying a new camera, buying the latest iPhone. I mean, whatever things that will give you that fulfillment and make you happy, we try to like set our budget and time according to that and then work around that to make sure we’re able to achieve that goal. Even purchasing a house, like when we bought a house, there was a lot of sacrifices involved and that required a lot of business decisions that were involved. And so we did that and we set on that for some time and then it translated into us being able to purchase a home and still have a business and have Jobs and things like that. So I mean, I don’t know if they’re like answer this specifically, but I know like what makes you happy I think has to be a part of your business decisions because otherwise you’re just working and with no end. And it’s like, what is the end? What is the purpose? What’s the point? So I know that I said a lot of my personal business decisions around what I want to achieve financially or materialistically. And then of course, for Logan, he’s always involved in the budget decisions. He doesn’t know it yet, but we’re like, okay, we’re going to get him a new car seat because he’s outgrowing this car seat we’re going to get in this quarter. because it just makes sense, things like that. But what would you say?

Crystal: Yeah, no, I agree with that. Then also just for myself, I love what I do when it comes to being creative, being involved in media. It’s like a lot of the things that we do, have a big part and role in making sure those things are executed. So it’s like creating a schedule for myself, like in a timeframe, okay, it’s like at this time, I’m going to be working on this, kind of like creating like a block schedule in a sense to like you would in school. And when I was in school, we had block scheduling. So it’s like, okay, so Monday, Wednesday, Fridays, I’m doing this Tuesday, Thursdays, I’m going to be focused on this. And then just once I have that situated and especially after we meet it’s like then I can execute and put things we have a drive even set up and so once things are finished or updated then it’s like I just upload there or if I’m working directly like with our contractors and managing with them and I have meetings scheduled then I’m making sure that that’s also aligned and it’s only on certain days so that way I can balance the other things that we have going on. So that is pretty much how I’m able to structure because of course with the creative if you know anybody’s done video I mean at this point now with social media it’s like reels and videos and all that stuff like that’s time consuming you know just to to make those things so it’s like you know having a day dedicated where I’m making a whole bunch of things and just like botch editing and just saving it so that way it’s ready to go and then Coming back later that way. I’m not putting so much pressure on myself to Complete something like in the moment. It’s like I already strategically planned this, you know on a Wednesday and then now it’s like ready to ready to go and I’m like a week or two ahead, you know, depending on what’s going on. Of course, you know, Logan can kind of change those things at any point. But the goal is to have, you know, that set schedule and to work with it and stick to that to make sure that I hit those goals and that we’re staying ahead.

Tony: One more thing, too, I’d add is knowing your strengths and weaknesses, too. We both know our strengths and weaknesses by now to a place where we can be honest with ourselves. I think it starts with being honest with yourself and knowing what you’re good at. And then the fact that we don’t have to do it all, we can rely on each other to just do what you’re good at. You’re good at that, you do that. I’m good at this, I’ll do this, and then we’ll meet in the middle. and just come together with our best qualities coming together. Whatever we don’t have, we’ll outsource.

Crystal: Yeah.

John: I love it. I love it. Just to wrap this episode up in a bow, what’s the best piece of relationship advice that you’ve ever gotten?

Crystal: I feel like, and it’s just at best because it’s so many different things and you always hear the cliche of like, you know, to communicate, to always, you know, over-communicate. Like that really is a key and I feel like for me, it’s like, I know I’m the over-communicator. I’ll communicate my thoughts a lot and sometimes it may make sense, it may not, and he’ll let me know. I’m sorry. But I have to get it out because I’m like, I need you to know these things. Even if that means sending it on a calendar and sending him a calendar invite just so he knows this is what’s going on. you know, if there’s a birthday party or if I have something just so you know that I might, I’m not available around this time. Over-communicating, definitely, and just, and now as parents, And being able to, like we’ve been speaking on, and leaning on each other, especially when there have been times where it’s like I may not have been as strong or Tony may need me to step up in that regard, just understanding that that sacrifice that you’re making for each other is to build you both and level you up even higher. I know I said communication, but it’s really still because when you can’t communicate or if there’s miscommunication, then things unravel and can fall apart. You know, and it happens. And it’s like, I know we’ve had situations like that where it’s like we almost missed something because I usually put things on the calendar and I didn’t do that. And I’m like, oh snap, I forgot that was on me. Like, you know, and owning that, but, you know, knowing better for next time, but just that constant communication. Yeah. That was good.

Tony: I mean, I really think that’s the key. And I just maybe add like some advice we got and probably was when we got married and the pastor who married us was like, you know, he looked at our parents and he was like, all right, This is their relationship, not y’all’s, so y’all got to stay out of it. But it wasn’t really that particular piece that I’m referring to, but I think it’s really like making your relationship your own. I think you can get caught up in comparing your relationship to other people. And I think people have compared their relationship to us, and I think that’s not really healthy or fair because you don’t know what it’s taken for people to have successful relationships or marriages. So I think not comparing your relationship or your story or even your struggle to other people’s and just letting your relationship be what you make it is key. I don’t think we have a perfect relationship, but it’s definitely perfect for us. I think we internally have a perfect relationship because we know how we operate and how we do things, but I don’t think what we do necessarily is going to work for the next couple and what the next couple does isn’t necessarily going to work for us. But I think when you can block out the noise and just really focus on what you want to create and have a vision together that you can compile together and create together and treat it like a team, a teammate, team membership, partnership, whatever you want to call it. And my last thing I say is, and I was going to like post about this one day, I guess now is the time, but in your relationship it’s not 50-50, it’s actually 100-0. So you got to show up and give 100 regardless of even if your partner shows up and gives zero. If you show up and give 100, and then they show up and give 100, then wow, imagine what that can be. But if you show up giving 50, and you’re expecting them to give their 50, then you’re only going to get 50-50. In reality, you should be giving 100 zero, and don’t expect the other person to make you happy. You need to make yourself happy. Make them happy and yourself happy. And then hope that they make you happy and themselves happy. And then you have two whole people coming together for a healthy relationship.

John: Well, that’s a wrap, my friends. Thank you. Thank you so much, Crystal, for for joining us today. And thank you guys so much for being listeners of the present professional. You can check us out at the present professional podcast dot com. We’d love to hear from you. Episode ideas, feedback, anything you guys have for us, please. Rate us and review us wherever you’re listening ratings and reviews really help. So we’d love to have you as part of the community Welcome and thank you guys for listening