Expecting The Unexpected, How Embracing Uncertainty Brings Peace And Resilience​

John: You’re listening to The Present Professional, where we explore the intersections of personal and professional development. To change your experience of life and work with every episode. So tune in, grab your notebook, and let’s go. Let’s go. Welcome to another episode of the present professional. Today, we’re here to talk about how to expect the unexpected and how being okay with how your experience happens, how it shows up and changing the way that we relate to our experience. So not necessarily making it mean something about us, but treating it objectively as experience itself and how that approach can change the way that you deal with uncertainty. And when uncertainty shows up in your life, notice what happens to you in that moment. you’re shocked, in awe. You don’t know what’s happening. You don’t know which way to turn. Maybe you start reacting emotionally. And maybe in hindsight, you would have done things a lot differently. But then here we want to talk about how to show up in that moment, but then also the things you can do to prepare yourself to take those moments on objectively. And we really think that’s a mindful approach. So we are going to get back to some of the self-awareness talk and a couple other concepts that I want to hit. But before we get into a couple of those, I want to shift it over to Tony to get his initial take on expecting the unexpected.

Tony: Yeah, you know, you hit on something important, John, and I think we can even kind of park right here for a little bit. And that’s the word uncertainty. So, you know, there’s a lot of talk online about basically, you know, living in a world that’s always super positive and happy and everything is always perfect. But The reality is that uncertainty is always around the corner. There’s always going to be something that happens that you didn’t expect and that can potentially knock you off your A game. But you’re as you mentioned, your reality and your objective, that part is in your control. So how you show up to that uncertainty is the key. You know, I always think about hills and valleys, hills and valleys. There’s always going to be a hill where you feel like, man, I’m I’m really on top of the world. I mean, we all have that feeling or have had that feeling. I get it a lot. Like I’m like, everything is perfect. And then the complete opposite happens. Something happens with your family, your mom, you’re a business client, your job, your car, like anything can happen that takes you on the complete opposite trajectory of that heel. And now you’re in a in a valley and you feel like, I don’t know how I’m going to get out of this situation or scenario. So I like how you’re talking about, you know, that balance of living mindful so that you can have that reality of good and then being prepared for the uncertainty that’s going to occur. I read something recently that talked about you don’t want to live too high in the super happy or the low. You want to really kind of stay in the neutral zone and find a balance that just works for you. I mean, I don’t know if that’s the way that you should live your life, but I see that I see truth in that, which is that you don’t want to get too high on your horse because you it can when something bad happens or something uncertain happens, you can flip and then you could lead into depression or, you know, anything that kind of takes you down a negative rabbit hole. So, you know, I just want to piggyback on that and mention that uncertainty is bound to happen. But how you show up when that uncertainty happens is so critical to your overall success. Because if you show up to things, you’re going through some uncertainty. People can feel your energy. It impacts your performance. It impacts your relationships. And so expect the unexpected. But show up to those uncertain moments with full presence, ready to take it on, attack in whatever way you have to, to move forward, to get back to where you really want to be.

John: And I would add showing up, like when you talk about how to, you know, how to prepare yourself to show up like that. And I don’t think that there’s any other way to show up to be able to view a situation objectively when the uncertainty occurs than mindfulness and a meditation practice. When I got back from that 10-day Vipassana retreat, 10 days silent meditation where, I mean, I’m not talking, you know, sweet nature walks and good, you know, it’s 11 hours of meditation per day. Starting at 4 30 in the morning. You’re in bed at 9 and Coming out of that 10 days the one thing that I say that I took out of all of that is being profoundly okay with reality as it is not as I would like it to be and That helped me prepare for the moments when reality is not what I would like it to be, when things are uncomfortable, when things are uncertain, when there’s pain, when there’s suffering, when there’s sadness and grief. Can we be there and fight it and try to change our circumstance and what’s happening to us Or can we just be there and trust that it will also pass? And I think another thing that helps me is understanding this fact. So number one, practicing mindfulness meditation, being okay with the moment as it is, is number one in preparation. Two for me comes from Stutz, the documentary that Jonah Hill did with his therapist. And I love these, he calls them the three guarantees. And it’s like these, the three aspects are the things that you can be guaranteed in life, that every human on this planet is guaranteed, is pain, uncertainty, and constant work. And understanding those things as guarantees, you could look at them as, oh wow, what a drag on life to look at those three as guaranteed. But it’s as those are guaranteed, their opposites are also guaranteed. nothing can exist by itself. So that’s another concept of polarity that we can’t have the good without the bad. We can’t have the joy, certainty, and fulfillment and ease without the pain, uncertainty, and constant work. So it’s understanding those three guarantees, it helps me accept them as they are instead of trying to fight it. It’s like I’m guaranteed some pain and uncertainty. So when I’m in the moment and I’m feeling sorry for myself or I’m feeling a way that is trying to fight what’s happening, I remember that this is guaranteed. So do I want to approach it objectively and with ease and mindfully make a choice? Or do I want to fight it? Do I want to start telling stories about myself, making it mean something about my identity and let it proliferate into the rest of my day, my week, my life?

Tony: So good. You could really drop the mic right there, really. But I’ll just add to that pain piece. So the book The Power of Now talks about pain extensively and suffering. And when you were saying it, it made me think about a plate of food, right? So you got this plate of food, and let’s say that steak, vegetables, starch, you know, mashed potatoes. And let’s say that the steak is the good, right? It’s the best part of the plate. And the vegetables, to some, not my wife because she’s vegan, but to some people, the veggies are like, you know, the pain, you know, it’s my son, the veggies are pain, right? He’s like, I gotta eat this. um but and the starch is kind of in the middle you know but the point is that in life it’s just like that plate like you’re going to feel really good you’re going to be high on your horse eating steak and then you’re going to have to eat the veggies and it’s going to you know you’re going to go through pain a little bit and then sometimes you’re just neutral and you’re just eating eating mashed potatoes but the point is you have to eat the whole plate either way so are you going to eat the veggies and with this attitude and this pain feeling and this like Oh, I hate this so much. Or are you going to accept it as a part of life? There is no one on this planet that doesn’t experience pain, doesn’t experience suffering in some way. So how do you show up to the plate of life? You know, that’s the real key. Like, do you show up complaining? That’s why I really like early on in my career, I always told myself, that I’m not going to bring my personal issues to work like that is something I just it’s a value. It’s a core value that I stand on. I don’t show up to work business, a speaking engagement, anything. I don’t show up with these negative feelings that are that are happening in my life. I show up focused to do what I have to do in the moment and deal with whatever I’m dealing with externally. So, you know, I just say that to say I hope that when you think about yourself and if you think about people that you work with or know or maybe even mentors and how they kind of operate. pretty sure that they have their pain, suffering, and negativity in like a checks and balances kind of format. And that’s what helps people like high performers continue on and move up and onward, as opposed to always being a person that you don’t want to come to, you don’t want to work with, because they always got something going on that’s dragging them down. And then you become like the office conversation. And so you can compartmentalize your personal pain and even work pain in a way that still allows you to be a high performer.

John: Would say or actually I want to ask you what so instead of Instead of it being compartmentalized What do you connect to? to show up how you want to show up at work like in that moment if you have a something going on personally, and then not just understanding that there’s a value, but what are the thoughts? What’s the belief that you connect to that helps you be fully present when you show up in your work and business?

Tony: Well a couple things I’m gonna take it to switch it switch my answer first and say that from a from a personal standpoint I I try not to bring negativity or personal things issues Into the home life. It’s kind of starts there. So I got this fortune cookie that came across years ago and It’s in my car. It’s like right on my little where I keep my phone on a little you know the thing and that prevents you from getting a ticket by texting and driving. And so when my phone isn’t there, there’s a fortune cookie and it says never bring unhappy feelings into your home. Right. So I see that and I’m just it’s just a constant reminder. On the flip side, when it comes to not bringing negativity or unhappy feelings into work and business, I won’t show up if I if I’m feeling like I can’t control my feelings or my negativity or whatever it may be, because we all have it. You know, my suffering, if I can’t control my suffering in a way that distracts me from doing what I need to do, then I need to take some time away or I need to decline. the offering. And that’s because in my work, not just in work, but like in most of the things I do, I say like 90% of the things I do involve people. So I have to connect with people and usually it’s deeply or I’m leading something. I may have a lot of eyes on me and the worst thing I want to do is give people an ounce of me or give people a part of me that they don’t need to see or they don’t need to experience because I’m going through suffering. Most of the time, people that I’m working with or dealing with, they need what I have to offer. Whether it’s facilitation me making sure that everybody is heard or even if it’s me actually talking I think about Kobe Bryant, right? No, you know, I go here quick my favorite athlete of all time and he sold his wife that the reason why he Plays pretty much are played pretty much every game that he could is because he said what if? one fan from wherever in life came to see me play and I wasn’t there like that was his mindset and Like, even if he, let’s say that he’s 90%, like maybe even 80% healthy, good enough to do what Kobe Bryant did, he’s going to show up and he’s going to give them the best. He’s not going to not show up and not play. The reason why I bring that up is because that’s the mindset that I take into those spaces that you just talked about. If I’m able to give people the best of me, then I’m going to give it to them. But if I completely cannot, I’d rather just not than give you half. Kobe’s not going to show up and give you 13 points because he’s hurt. He’s just not going to play. But if he can give you 28 on a bum leg, he’s going to do it. So why can’t we?

John: That was a great answer. So you connect to, you know, you connect to the why and I mean really in your purpose and your work and it’s, your purpose and work is connecting with people, right? And it’s a huge part of it. And the thing that you value is showing up whole and complete. And when you can’t do that, you honor yourself by stepping away, by recharging, by doing what you need to do

Tony: to show up how you want to show up at home and at work and I think more people can adopt that practice because I Think we sometimes have this hero Mentality that if we’re not there, it’s not gonna go right or it’s not gonna happen. And I think that I The reality is that you can make more of an impact by just taking some time to step away and coming back way better than you would have been if you just show up and you’re just there. Because presence matters. It’s the present professional, right?

John: That’s right. That’s right. You have to show up with the show up to record. Now, here we are.

Tony: And on days we can’t, we can’t. And then what do we do? We sometimes show up and double, triple up.

John: So energy matters. And, you know, stepping back into uncertainty, expectations. And, you know, that’s another thing that I’d say in preparation is as best you can dropping expectations. Let yourself be surprised. Don’t try to predict everything that’s going to happen when you step into any situation or meet any person. Let yourself be surprised by people. Let yourself be surprised by your circumstances, by the quality of the food, by the quality of the conversation, by what’s going to happen in the meeting, how the audience is going to respond to your presentation. Don’t try to predict a lot of the things that are outside of your control. Yeah, you can spend time preparing, but preparing how you can show up, not expecting how everyone’s going to respond to the way you show up. Let that happen. That’s outside of your control. So it’s like, do you want to say, we’re talking about a presentation, right? So the presentation I’m giving on Monday, actually, I could sit here and I could prepare to deliver that. And then I could also sit here and prepare to deliver that and worry about how everyone’s going to take it. Worry about how the audience is going to respond. Worry about what kind of feedback I’m going to get or if we’re going to get any more leads or business out of it. Why? So it’s like, now the first one, there’s a lot more ease in that. Let me just take what’s in my control and prepare to deliver the best thing that I can, the best thing that I can in that moment. And that’s enough. So it’s your choice. Do you want to prepare and worry about the things that you can’t control? Or do you want to drop your expectations and do what you can do the best that you can?

Tony: Mm hmm. Man, you know, it’s funny when I when I have something big to prepare for, or if it’s big, perceived big, I mean, big is a relative, I’d say, like, I, I wonder, Sam, I I’m going to answer, I’m going to say it my way. I wonder what you I’m going to ask you to respond and say what you what you do. But for me, I would much rather spend my time preparing on me as like my whole self as opposed to the what I have to say. especially if it’s something that I’ve had a chance to do before because it’s almost like that athlete, that muscle memory. I spend more time, like you mentioned, meditating. I spend more time making sure that I look good, getting a haircut. I spend more time making sure my clothes look decent because presentation matters and people are going to see me. Make sure maybe I woke up early enough to fully do my morning routine and spend that time on myself or even on the presentation, especially the day of. Making sure my car has gas if I have to travel. I mean, it’s things like that that I try to spend more time on so that when I show up, I have no worries. You know, I know that I’m literally giving you the best version of me. So how could this go wrong?

John: Wow. You just remind me, man. I got to get a cut. I’m going to have to get an emergency cut.

Tony: That haircut is therapy, man.

John: It really is. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I fall asleep in the chair. I’ll be nodding off. I’m like, oh, my bad. My bad, bro. I’m like, I’m going to get nicked.

Tony: Man, my barber, he loves to talk. If he was listening to this, he would laugh. It’s hard to fall asleep. It’s a catch up. It’s a long conversation every time, but to your point, I mean, it’s so soothing and relaxing. I mean, it’s bigger than just a haircut. It’s literally our way of resetting.

John: Right? I mean, and I say that, too. I’m like, I think my barber knows more about me than most of my friends.

Tony: Yeah, that’s the best.

John: That’s the best barbers every time. Just debriefing. All right, all right, we digress.

Tony: But you know, what you got, because I was going to go in a different direction, but I’ll let you take it because I want to share something with you as we get ready to get another half.

John: Yeah, I was going to move from, you know, we were talking about expectations, and I was going to move into everything being a message, like the third I guess this is the fourth way that I take uncertainty into account and that helps me prepare for things, or actually not over-prepare for things. letting the things that happen in my life be a message like whether you want to call it a synchronicity or everything happens for a reason or there are no there are no coincidences which I honestly believe in my heart that everything here is for us to learn something. By us, I mean our soul, our spirit, our being to learn something and grow. Mostly, I’d say that happens through difficult things, through the uncertainty, through the things that feel like they’re happening to us in the moment. But how can you sit with it and really get curious about how this could be happening for you? Like really curious about the message. If I’m here on an eternal journey to develop as a soul or spirit being, What was this circumstance supposed to teach me? What was I supposed to learn over the span of eternity that I could take from this situation, good or bad, just an experience? So that’s like that’s the last thing for me that really rounds out how I approach uncertainty drop expectations and shift of the conversation from Life happening to me to all of my life circumstances being for me. It’s all a lesson It’s all a lesson in eternal spirit development Hmm Wow

Tony: That was deep. All right. I just want to make sure you understand what you just said, like eternal spiritual development. And not only the spiritual development piece, but the journey and going through life and what life has for you and the messages that connect like that. That’s powerful. And what I was thinking about earlier when you were talking about this in the beginning of the show was that, yes, show up to uncertainty, present, meditated and ready to accept reality for what it is, but I’m going to add something. I’m going to say show up with that warrior spirit to like show up with the warrior mentality, like show up with your with your weaponry on you, as in you’re like fully prepared for those things that come. It’s like you talk about the journey of life and talk about going through maybe it’s a adventure, climbing a mountain or going hiking and you’re going through life and there will be obstacles. There may be a snake. There may be something you need to cut down. Those things happen in real life, right? So how do you handle that when bad people or bad things come at you as you are going through life? Are you unarmed and you just put your hands up like, Ah, you know, I can’t do anything about it. Or do you attack so that you can keep moving forward? And I think that attacking pieces, you know, networking and having people that you can call when something happens or reading maybe a certain journal article or book or taking a class that makes you sharper in a certain area. So when something occurs, You can subconsciously like pull back to something that you’ve learned and respond appropriately and eliminate the threat. I mean like those kind of things matter too because life is not all like pretty all the time. Like sometimes it gets ugly and there are people that may want to see you not do so well or May have or there could be people that have the best intentions But whatever they’re offering is just not for you and then they want to impress upon you what they had what their reality is on to you and it can it can overtake you if you are not present enough to respond and see it for what it is and then also have the gumption to like block it and like and tell someone who is a higher authority, no, like I’m not doing that because I’m walking down this path. And this is not this is nothing for me. And I hope that I never see you again. You have to say those words. But sometimes it’s like that. Sometimes it’s like that. I mean, for real. And that’s speaking from experience. So, you know, I just hope that as you walk in, you meditate and people are getting this spirit. Make sure that you are prepared for the uncertainty.

John: You don’t want to just be taken out because you weren’t ready but knowledge is your weapon, you know knowledge is how you knowledge is your weapon and your shield and not just knowledge for being able to attack and react in the moment and respond in the moment but also having the knowledge on how to approach these moments. Having the knowledge about reality as it is. Understand these truths. Whatever your truths are, Discover those get curious about them and stand firm in them. That’ll help you get over the Ego fear of how do I stay safe in this moment with what’s happening to me? It’s like let’s let’s understand what our reality is and equip ourselves with the knowledge to Step into the situations that are ahead of us. So Again, this knowledge your weapon your shield. It’s how you can step into these moments of uncertainty with that warrior mentality a second that I think that’s a great way to send our listeners off and is what you’re doing right now and sitting here listening to this podcast is equipping you with the weapons and the shield to approach your life and work differently in a way that helps you enjoy your experience, good or bad, taking it as a lesson, And moving forward because that’s all we can do my friends is move forward together So thank you for being a part of the present professional community We’d love for you to interact with us. Please rate us and review us anywhere. You’re listening to our podcast and and connect with us at the presentprofessionalpodcast.com. We’d love to speak with you. We’d love to get your feedback, any episode ideas. Please interact with us across all social media as well. My friends, take care. Thank you for listening.