Mindfulness in Meetings: How to Show Up, Lead, and Listen with Intention

John: You’re listening to The Present Professional, where we explore the intersections of personal and professional development.

John: To change your experience of life and work with every episode.

Tony: So tune in, grab your notebook, and let’s go. Let’s go.

John: Welcome to another episode of the present professional. Today we’re here to talk about mindfulness and meetings. And we’re not talking about sitting down at the meeting table and having a meditation exercise. And while that can be a good start to a meeting and a great way to center everyone as they sit down at the table, We’re here to talk about tips and strategies for effectively running a meeting, but also just showing up in a meeting, being fully present in yourself. And I’ll let Tony kick us off on his first way that he wants to introduce you guys to showing up in meetings.

Tony: Yeah, you know, I like how you ended it with saying that this what we’re going to give today is going to work for both sides of the coin. Like if you’re running a meeting, you can use this if you were just invited to the meeting or if you are actually presenting as well. But, you know, the first thing I say about being mindful in meetings is understand that everybody in the room has something to bring. So don’t show up to meetings or don’t be in the room assuming that somebody isn’t going to give some valuable information or that you have to do all the talking or even that this meeting is pointless. Like sometimes you could be invited to a meeting and you’re like, why am I here? Well, remember that you being invited to a meeting is a good thing because that means that someone wants your voice to be heard. So if you show up to meetings and you’re like looking at your clock the whole time, don’t be surprised when you aren’t invited to meetings as much anymore and maybe that’s a good thing to you but trust me having your voice being at the table is super important and so when you’re there you know you want to make sure that you’re reading the room you want to make sure that you’re paying attention to everybody that’s there and if somebody is a little distracted maybe uh call on them to bring them back to the forefront or even You know just kind of have a little small talk on the side to make sure they’re engaged and make sure they’re okay they could be going through something so that’s kind of some mindfulness tips just to just to kind of start baking the cake here we’re gonna go real deep but just to set the tone you know make sure you’re understanding everybody has something to bring.

John: Yeah, it’s an even letting, especially those voices that are not normally heard or those that consider themselves more introverted and kind of like the second, third, fourth people to speak up in a conversation all the time. A lot of times they have some real nuggets of insight and a lot of real gold. So it’s especially if you’re running the meeting, like making sure that you make your way around to let everyone’s voices be heard. And there’s one way, so one way that I think is really, really amazing to get everyone’s voices heard and out in the open in the beginning is one, have everyone be prepared. Have everyone in the meeting like the showing up for the meeting, like knowing why you’re all gathering. What is the purpose of this? And when you’re clear on the purpose and if you’re showing up to the meeting and you’re not clear on the purpose, reach out to the organizer. Reach out to the organizer to see what it is that you should prepare for, what it is that you can bring to the meeting, and what is the goal of us getting together. And the goal of us getting together can be brainstorming. It can be informative. It doesn’t always have to be a solutions based meeting, but as long as everyone’s clear on how you’re stepping into it, it’s a lot easier to come with everyone’s nuggets of wisdom. And one specific tip and trick for that is when you get into the meeting, If you’re running the meeting here, have everyone around the table write down their own solution to why you guys are showing up. So write down what you feel about this topic, what you feel the solution would be, and what do you think would add to the solution. And then go around the table, like round robin, and hear from every single person. Because oftentimes, meetings get hijacked by the loudest person in the room. And come on, we all know that person. We all know the person that’s always willing to speak up, always has something to say, always has an opinion about something. And that’s not a bad thing. That’s not a bad thing. And like our human nature starts to back that person starts to kind of group think our way around that person’s idea and leading thought. So if you put everyone’s thoughts out there on the table in the very beginning, then you can kind of work from the nuggets of wisdom from each person and move forward together. That’s one thing that I found is really, really effective for getting everyone engaged and not having one voice lead every conversation.

Tony: You know, even recognizing that though, like that’s part of mindfulness too, is recognizing that that person that’s always talking is kind of, I won’t say hijacking the meeting, but they are pulling influence and energy their way. And that can cause a little bit of disruption or like you said, even group things. So recognizing that is super important. You know, another thing I say to add on to that, Is you want to make sure that when you’re especially if you’re responsible for leading the group or leading the the team or leading the meeting? Show up early show up a little bit earlier than the meeting was supposed to start. And I’ll tell you why. When you show up early, maybe 10, 15, even five minutes earlier than the meeting was supposed to start, especially if it’s virtual, then now you are able to connect with your colleagues. Now you’re able to connect with your peers and you’re able to have small talk that doesn’t have anything to do with business. And that’s important for relationship building. Ask how the kids are doing. Ask how their new hobby’s going. You know, ask how their parents may be doing. You never know what someone may be going through, and that can generate a conversation that just really gives you more points towards being an actual person that is a leader, but also an effective leader by way of building relationships with the people around you. Then if you’re leading a meeting and you don’t know people, Get there early so you can be someone that gets to know folks by name, asking them what department they work in, asking them what brought them to the meeting and just kind of generating conversation. And it’s always good to when someone comes into a meeting, if you’re the person that’s already having that conversation, It’s just a different kind of fiery energy that’s already happening when you are the person having that conversation. When you come into a meeting cold and someone’s talking about stuff you have no idea what they’re talking about, you kind of feel like, okay, I’m missing out. I missed out on just having this small talk. I missed out on connecting with my colleagues. And even if you’re just talking about fantasy football, that’s how you build strong ties with people. It’s not just about, so how did your report come out? What’s your budget look like? you know whatever the conversation is if you know somebody is winning their fantasy league and they have they’re so proud to talk about that now you know jim on a deeper level and now you can talk to him differently at the water cooler so you know show up a little bit early that’s just another tip and i would say even if you’re not leading a meeting show up a little early because then you can kind of just read the room once again and just get a chance to peep and see how things are going. And that’s a good tip for if you’re a newer employee to a company. Get in there early and make relationships.

John: Especially if you’re a new employee. It’s like setting the tone. Showing that you’re treating this as an opportunity. that every meeting is an opportunity for you to connect with people. It’s an opportunity for your voice and perspectives to be heard, your value to be seen. So if you look at every meeting as an opportunity for you to add value, whether you’re adding value to the people, the company, the group, and an opportunity for you to add value to yourself, it’s an opportunity for you to learn. And now, let’s be realistic. I’ve seen people call meetings for absolute BS, right? I’ve been in meetings that was like, why did we do this? This could have just been an email. And that’s a good thing to think about before you set a meeting. And even if you have a meeting set up by a peer or someone, you know, if you feel that maybe there’s a better alternative. voice that. And then if they have a reason for setting the meeting that they didn’t clearly articulate, they’ll come back to you. They’ll come back to you and articulate it. Once you say, Hey, you know, I was wondering if this is really necessary. There’s a lot of things that I’m, I’m working on and I felt that maybe this could be communicated in an email or a memo or something. And then they might say, well, here’s why I want to get everyone’s voices live. So these two groups are able to align, and then we can move forward. It’s like, oh, OK. You didn’t communicate that in the one subject. group discussion subject title meeting notice, right? So it’s help people help people articulate the purpose of their meetings. And when you’re setting a meeting, be very clear with the purpose.

Tony: Mm-hmm, man, that’s super important. And you know, one thing that’s worked for me is I was preparing for a meeting not too long ago and I sent not only an agenda, but I even sent my personal notes for the planning session that was ahead, a specific event we were working toward. I sent detailed high level detail in an attachment and it’s like a optional read. But now you at least know not only what we’re talking about, but where my mind is coming from. In addition to what we’re going to talk about during the meeting. So you may see event a on the agenda or planning for event a and then you can click that and see a link to the details of the planning. So now, you know, oh, we’re really having a meeting and this is specifically what that’s about. And so, you know, another tip I’d say for this is a mindfulness tip. It doesn’t sound like one, but. If you’re like me, you are a good person that can talk and give a good meeting, but maybe you’re not the best note taker. That’s okay. I found some research recently that said that if you are leading meetings, you should not take notes. That was a shocker to me and I felt very good about that because I’m telling you, I will lead a meeting and fire everybody up and then walk out of that meeting and go to the next thing and didn’t get anything written down. So if you are that kind of person, or even if you’re wanting to transition to maybe delegating the note-taking, that’s what I would highly suggest you do, is find someone on the team that is willing to do that. Maybe that’s a private conversation. or it could be a volunteer opportunity that you give in that meeting or on the cadence of meetings. But don’t be afraid to delegate that because there are people, and you may be one of those folks out there if you’re a professional listening to this, who is a great note taker and doesn’t want to leave the meeting. And that is so valuable, especially to people like me who can just get lost in the conversation and then miss a super important detail and then now I’m unorganized or we’re unorganized and the train has derailed. So don’t be afraid to delegate note-taking.

John: I think that’s really important because a lot of times when it comes to mindfulness and being present in your seat at the meeting table, we can get really caught up in the energy of the conversation at the moment. And I’ve seen myself do this, where you’re right, you’re just like in the enthusiasm of the meeting and in the dialogue that’s going on, even a little bit of healthy conflict and debate, and then capturing what we really wanted to capture out of this. Are we trying to come to an exact decision? Or maybe in trying to come to this decision, we’ve uncovered three or four different things we have to learn beforehand. But like writing those things down and following up on them is the goal that comes from the meeting. So it’s like something about myself and my mindfulness journey has been actually understanding what happens to me when I’m excited. Because I’ve been, I’ve been very hypervigilant about and aware about what happens to me if I’m feeling upset or frustrated or in conflict or something, anything on what feels like the negative side of the spectrum. But then really, I completely have let my guard down in some areas on the positive side. So I’ve seen myself get excited and forget about the reason why I’m there. Or I’ve seen myself being excited and not practicing the same humility that I want to practice around my people. I’ve seen myself being in that enthusiasm and not even being as empathetic or kind or open with things. So I’ve started learning to say, okay, I’m really feeding into this energy. Let me come back to equilibrium. Notice my breath for a second. Okay. Now, what is it? What is it we were here to do again? It’s like, okay, what was I supposed to capture again? Don’t be afraid to take a breath. Don’t be afraid to sit back in your chair and take a breath for a moment. Get back in your body. Okay, I’m here. What am I hearing? What am I seeing? How is the audience responding to me? And I think a big part of that engagement is making eye contact to Especially if you’re leading a meeting. Make eye contact with every single person around the table. It helps them stay engaged as well. You know, you won’t have someone falling asleep in your meeting, right? If you’re making direct eye contact with them.

Tony: Yeah, that’s true, John. And you know, for you, I mean, as a leader and a mindfulness expert, it’s got to be a interesting dance or interesting balance that you have to have as you are leading meetings and are a practitioner of the things that you study and speak on. So, you know, kudos to you for even recognizing that those moments of high energy and what that energy does to you. You know, most people probably don’t even admit that their energy changes from the energy of the conversation going from one way or another. So just keep doing what you’re doing, man. That’s great to even hear that insight. And I’d say the same for me. I can find myself being in times where I’m trying to balance my energy of leader and listener. And that’s something that I’ve been working on and you know I’ve really been tuned into that over the last few weeks and it’s been Healthy, I can’t say it’s been perfect, but it’s been healthy to notice when I’m listening and when I’m leading And that’s just kind of how you got to do it you listen listening to other people does not make you less of a leader. It makes you more of a leader. Talking less in the meeting makes you more of a leader, not less of a leader. So, you know, reminding myself that and all the professionals that are listening to this podcast, you know, it is okay if you have a meeting and the agenda gets derailed and you didn’t get everything you wanted to get accomplished and you didn’t get to say everything you wanted to say. You’re still the leader. It’s okay. Nobody’s going to take your position because you had a meeting that the people kind of took over. That’s good if they’re responding. So one more thing I wanted to throw out there, and it’s probably my, at least my final point I wanted to talk about for mindfulness, and it’s my favorite too, is be deviceless. And that’s so scary for people to be deviceless. We got ping, ping, ping all around us, right? Dings, zips, vibrations, all these emails. And I promise you, 60 minutes, nothing bad is gonna happen to you or your family for 60 minutes if you gotta turn your phone off or if you gotta just kinda put the phone in a drawer or whatever you gotta do. If you have to take notes or minutes on your device, try to use a device that doesn’t receive your text messages. I mean, for me, it would be like not using my MacBook or my iPad because you can have good intentions and still be distracted. But I find myself most present in meetings when I have my phone completely off and I’m using, you know, pen and pad. You know, if you’re taking notes with a pen and paper and you don’t have your phone on you, You may not get the detail that you normally would get, but as a leader, you’re able to show up and balance that listening or specifically active listening and also contributing to the conversation. Because even if you were taking notes super high level on your device, The notes might not be what you need to capture. It may be a word. It may be a phrase. It may be a reminder, a thing to do later. You can you can use a pen and pad for that. And then you won’t be as distracted. I was in a meeting a few last week, last week, and. It was a community meeting, and I definitely, it was a lot of things that were said that were way over my head, but I wanted to learn, I wanted to listen. So I sat in the front row with my phone off, and I was just sitting there absorbing. I didn’t even have to take notes because I was present. I don’t remember every single thing that happened, but I was present. So I just want to preface that and throw that out there to you. Don’t be afraid to be deviceless in meetings, especially if you’re leading, but even if you’re not leading, and you want to be there, Turn your phone off. It won’t hurt you.

John: And man, I really want to just double down on that is listening is a skill. Listening doesn’t just mean I’ve set things to the side and I can hear you. Like listening is a specific skill that you can cultivate. It’s you’re trying to find the essence of what people are saying. ask clarifying questions, listen to understand, and also notice if you’re just listening to respond. So a big part of a mindfulness practice when it comes to any kind of communication is noticing in your mind when you’re already formulating a response while someone else is talking. If you’re in the meeting and you’re just waiting for someone to finish, and in your mind while you’re waiting for someone to finish, you’re already thinking about what you’re going to say. Take a moment, be fully there and fully understand what someone is saying. Let it hit you. Let it resonate with you. And then from there, form your response. It’s okay to have a brief moment of silence. That’s one of the beautiful things about coaching is becoming so comfortable with silence. It is a beautiful space. It’s a beautiful space for people to be able to wrap their thoughts around a concept in order to let things sink in. And then you formulate your response in the silence. And I found so many times in meetings that people are looking around like, wait a second, there’s a break in conversation. What’s going on? What’s happening? What did we do wrong? No, let there be a break in the conversation. Move to the next topic. If there’s no followup question, ask clarifying questions. If you don’t understand that is listening, listen to understand. If you don’t understand, clarify because listening is also in the questions that you ask. Like listening is also in digging deeper to understand the essence of what people are saying. It’s, it’s just the digging. It’s, it’s, or it is also the digging. It is not just the receiving, but when you’re receiving, receive mindfully, be present in the words that people are saying and even get curious about it. Huh? I wonder why they use that word. or their tone, their body language, the way people feel about the things that they’re saying. You can see it coming across in their bodies. It’s really, really amazing when you tune into this next level listening. I mean, we could do a whole episode on next level listening. For real.

Tony: I mean, we probably should because I don’t think, especially in this time of life we’re in, I really don’t think people are listening to people. As you were talking, all I was doing was listening, intently. I mean, just listening. As you were saying, formulating opinions, formulating thoughts for people, I was just sitting here like, that is exactly what I’m not doing right now so that I can fully appreciate what you’re saying and learn. People want to prove that they are so smart that you want to say the best thing. And it’s like sometimes it’s not that deep. You know, sometimes it’s listening to somebody learning and then just responding like I’m doing right now. Nothing I said was scientific. This was just my raw emotion responding to a very impactful and insightful comment about the power of active listening. And so, you know, I definitely would say let’s put that on the docket for a future episode or two, or even three. But yeah, I love active listening. And I think, like you said, coaching has helped bring that out of me because with coaching, you can have all these credentials, all this insight, all this education, all this knowledge, all this wisdom, and you still need to sit there and talk less than 20% of the time. That’s a skill.

John: Yep. It’s like, I feel like wrapping this up in a bow is be essential. be essential with your words, be essential with your time and understand the preciousness of each and every one of our times. Like whenever you’re setting a meeting, being intentional with the guests, understanding why they’re going to be there and be essential with your communications. Get to the point and Listen, listen, listen, listen. I would go as far to say is listening is leadership. And leadership is listening. There’s so much power in, in what that will do for your communication and your relationships. So if you’re to take anything from this episode in showing up mindfully in meetings, it’s listening intently, listening to understand and getting clear, getting clear on it, helping people. When you help people get clear on what they’re saying, it becomes clear for the whole room. And then that clarity, that’s where the impactful decisions come from. That’s where you have meetings that people remember. Essential. You said it, bro. Well, my friends, thank you so much for showing up for another episode of The Present Professional. If you have any questions about anything, we’d love to hear your feedback so you can interact with us at the presentprofessionalpodcast.com. Please rate us and review us if you’re listening to this. Ratings and reviews go a long way. So we’d really appreciate your time just dropping a review or comment and take this into your life. Take this into your work. And this doesn’t even just show up around the meeting table. This can show up around the dinner table. Be there, listen, be essential, and connect with people. Until next time, my friends.